The Temperate Winter of January in Portland
The Temperate Winter of January in Portland
alternate title: josh talks about running too much now
February approacheth, and it’s about time again for that sneaky fucker Phil to tell us if he saw his shadow or not. Are we really judging the future of winter based on a creature’s lack of object permanence? Why couldn’t it be Pittsburgh Phil or something that people know how to spell? Honest to god, what is up with this little shit?
If you raised me up that high, I don’t know that I’d be able to tell my shadow from anyone else’s, guy! Also, why are you wearing a top hat? That groundhog looks like he is so done with this gig.
I love Groundhog Day. Great movie. The type of movie 32 year old film school dropouts on YouTube call a “masterclass on” whatever they need to say to get you to click on their video. But it’s also kind of a sad movie to me, because it was the movie that caused Bill Murray and Harold Ramis to stop talking to each other for 20 years, until Ramis was on death’s door. Apparently Murray is a huge asshole, so it’s not surprising that he would stop talking to someone he didn’t like, but it’s still hard for me to watch this film, knowing that the two were about to cut ties after it was over.
Anyway. These are the thoughts January gets you, folks.
parkrun
Hey, so my old high school classmate and friend Annie, who lives in Jolly Olde England these days, told me about parkrun recently. I was getting back into running (which I won’t stop talking about, jesus christ) and posted about it on Instagram and Annie was nice enough to DM me and let me know about parkrun!
Parkrun is a free 5k run or walk that lots of people in the UK do every Saturday at around 9am. It started in England but has since moved to all over the world, mostly in western Europe, Australia and New Zealand, South Africa, Japan, and a smattering in America and Canada. There’s one on the Falkland Islands, which also appears to be the southernmost parkrun. The northernmost one appears to be in Oulu, Finland.
Most of the parkruns in the U.S. are on the east coast, which is not surprising, cause ain’t no damn Commie lefty bastard gonna make me get out of my 2014 Dodge Ram and ruin my pristine TRUMP 204EVER cowboy boots I bought at the Maverik on Chinden
to take one step anywhere that ain't closer to the brisket line at a Golden Corral, you hear me?!However! There is a parkrun in Portland! Well, Somerset West. Which isn't even a city as far as I can tell. This is Suburbs Territory, people. “Unincorporated Community” territory. They don’t do cities here, okay? These people left the cities, to get away from the riffraff and the copious amount of drugs everyone is doing right on the city streets! I’ve seen it, Margaret! A man, filthy and ragged, sitting on the curb, putting a needle straight into his arm! Land’s sakes!
So, for the past three weeks, I’ve been driving out to the Rock Creek Trail parkrun site in the morning to go for a run with a gaggle of other people. It’s fun! The trail itself is lovely, a sort of wetlands area nestled between … suburbs. Really, on all sides, suburbs and upscale apartment complexes. It’s not as bad as it could be, but it does have a creeping NIMBY aspect to it.
There are milestones for going to a certain number of runs (25, 50, 100, etc) or volunteering. You can buy special milestone gear, which is cool. You also get a barcode that gets scanned after every run, which keeps your times and some other stats on their website!
If you’re a runner, I highly recommend seeing if there’s a parkrun near you. There probably isn’t, just be aware. There isn’t one in Boise, which is insane to me. I think a lot of them in the U.S. are started by UK expats, and something tells me there aren’t a lot of UK expats in Idaho who also like to run. Though there isn’t one in NYC OR LA OR Chicago, which blows my mind. Anyway, they’re so chill and everyone is cool and it doesn’t feel haughty or overly pretentious at all. Just some folks looking to get some exercise together. Try it out!
Blazers Game
At the company holiday party last month, the very same which gave me COVID-19, I won the karaoke contest and got tickets to see the Blazers in my boss’s seats which are very close to the court. Just close enough to be good seats, but not one row closer, where you get food and drink service. Ah well.
I went with my friend Ryan because he is a huge Blazers fan and if I’m going to watch a sport I have little interest in, I’m taking someone who is far more interested in it, so I can watch them. Study them.
Here’s Ryan and me in 2016:
And here we are, seven years later:
Well, okay, this is from BeReal and Ryan’s head got cut off. It makes it look like I went there myself and tried to take a selfie with a random person beside me. I assure you that that is not the case.
Anyway, the Blazers won and Damian Lillard scored 60 points and is now the 5th(?) highest scorer of three points or something like that. I’m not a huge fan of basketball but I know how hard it is to get the thing in the dang hoop, and Dame can do it pretty much anywhere at the three point line. In fact I think he only missed one three pointer the entire game. Guy’s a beast.
Anyway when the game was over we went to the Matador and got nachos and beer. The end! Worth the covid!
Another Gosh Darn 5k
Get used to these, I’m running one every month. Hey, YOU signed up for this newsletter, buddy! You knew what you were getting into.
I ran the Race for Warmth on the 29th. This was in Vancouver, WA. The Couv, baby. This is from my blog.
*sports announcer voice* “And oh what a race for warmth it is today, Todd!”
“That’s right, Jerry, it’s colder than a witch’s tit out here.”
“It’s colder than the balls on a brass monkey.”
“It’s cold as fuck Jerry!”
This morning I left my apartment at around 8:15 am. The Portland air was crisp and cold. I drove to Vancouver, Washington, which took about 15 minutes. I then parked at a high school parking lot. Upon exiting the vehicle, I discovered that Vancouver was WINDY AS HELL.
And that was my opening impression of the Race for Warmth, a 5/10k out in the Couv, put on by Clark (County) Public Utilities to benefit Operation Warm Heart which helps low-income families pay their heating bills during the cold months (or just in general, I guess). The race began and ended at the Clark Public Utilities building, which is right off the I-5 bridge, making for an easy trek. The packet pickup the day before was a drive through event, which reminded me a lot of when I got the covid vaccine, except this time I got the vaccine of … future exercise. How about that.
The “swag bag” (remember when swag was a thing the youths would say?) consisted of some free and discount coupons, two tickets to see a Ridgefield Raptors baseball game in June (hell yeah, why not), and one of those emergency blankets and a hand warmer, which I think people used during or before the race but seems to be more intended for an emergency kit for your car.
The atmosphere of the event was great. It wasn’t too crowded, everyone was fucking freezing, and there were a couple of tents with free stuff. Relevant Coffee provided the morning bean juice, which was very good. They also gave away a $5 gift card in the swag bag, which I fully intend to use in the future. Meanwhile, a tent for Why Racing Events gave away some stuff, including my favorite free thing, some old PDX carpet sunglasses. They had some other stuff too that I totally forgot to grab.
They seem to do a lot of triathlon races but also noticed I was wearing my Shamrock Run hoodie and suggested I run sign up for their version, the Couve Clover Run, which happens a week after the Shamrock Run. Maybe I will, Why Racing Events … maybe I will.
(Side note: I always thought it was “Couv,” not “Couve.” Both are colloqualisms, so who cares, but maybe I ought to trust the Washingtonians.)
The tent next to theirs was for NW Personal Training, also based in Vancouver. They gave out INCREDIBLY HELPFUL drawstring bags so I could carry all of my free shit. This was very good. Also, some sunglasses and the Weirdest Free Thing, a license plate frame.
Lastly, there were Franz cookies, which of course were delicious.
As for the race itself: I did good! I managed to run the entire first mile without stopping, which was one of my two goals for the race. According to Strava, my first mile was 11:44 and I was a 25:33 for two miles, both of which are current PRs. I knew running the first mile like I did would cause me to lose energy toward the end. My pace dropped pretty significantly during miles two and three, which is not really what I want, but I wanted to go faster overall and I guess I made that sacrifice.
My other goal was a sub 40 min 5k, which I didn’t hit, but I think I was only about a minute over. My Strava time was 40:54, but that was for 3.07 miles because Strava does that sometimes. I thought I started the app with ample time to hit 3.1 but I guess not! Regardless, I think that’ll be about my chip time. If there was a gun time, it will be about a minute or so slower, because the start was a goddamn choke point, and also because there were a surprising amount of people walking. It was a walk/run event but it seemed like most people around my area were walkers. Ain’t nothing wrong with that, except it was like running through a minefield trying to dodge walkers left and right.
There were some slight uphills along the way, which I tried to run every time. You won’t get better at running inclines unless you actually run them. My grandaddy told me that once. (This is untrue.) Also a nice stretch along the Columbia River and this Vancouver Waterfront section that I think is fairly new. I don’t remember the drive into Vancouver being so nice. Is Vancouver nicer than Portland now? That would be wild.
So, for next time, I think the goal is to actually slow down my first mile pace so that my second and third miles are steadier. Like, if they’re all 13 minutes, that would be great, plus I’d get under 40 minutes. I think the adrenaline of running a race with people made me start out a lot faster. But who knows? Maybe in a month or two from now, 11:44 will be my 5k pace. Here’s hoping.
After the race there was an after party with a live band (god bless you musicians for playing in the cold), some turkey stew which was alright, cans of Michael Bubly, and more cookies. I had a sit and ate my stew and then promptly left. One of these days I’ll make some runner friends, but today is not that day!
Overall, a nice race that I would absolutely run again next year.
See you in a couple weeks for the Providence Heart to Start!
What Else is New?
Not much, honestly! I’m just an Exercise Dude now, I guess. I bought a new GPU for my computer. If you’re a real poindexter you can read about it on my blog. Nerd!
Videos for You
To be honest, I’ve always been kind of a distant fan of dodie. I liked her YouTube videos and generally thought her music was alright (and, to be very honest, I mostly thought she was very cute), but this Tiny Desk Concert got me on board the dodie train. Absolutely lovely set.
Oh, you know, just the Radiohead album In Rainbows done with music from the Nintendo 64. Completely average, normal sort of thing. It’s actually very good, and some stuff sounds weirdly remarkable in the N64 soundscape. The opening of “Nude” could totally be used for some background music in a point-and-click adventure, I think.
I’ve been on a Phoebe Bridgers kick lately. I also recently discovered that she has shown her boobs on Playboy. These two items are related. Anyway, her music is great and her boobs are great too! #FreeTheNipple!
The End
These are always so damn long. Let me know if you’d prefer a weekly version or something. Either way, see you next month!
I would like to acknowledge how neat it is that the movie is about the repetition of a single day over and over and over, and all of the guys who stand up there when Phil gets trotted out are wearing the same outfits they wore when the whole thing began in the 1880s. It’s like a Groundhog Day for THEM, you know? CIRCLES WITHIN CIRCLES.
IMPORTANT NOTE: I know there’s no Maverik on Chinden in Boise. Chinden’s just a funnier street than Ustick or State, you know? Chinden. Say it out loud a couple of times. You’ll get it.
Sarcasm; it was not worth the covid. Please do not get covid in an attempt to win raffle tickets to basketball games, okay?