Post-Turkey Day Ruminations
I didn't eat turkey this year but I did embody the spirit of eating turkey, which is effectively the same thing.
Thanks for reading my newsletter! It’s just a place to get people caught up on my life or to espouse weird things that pop up in my head. I’m active on Twitter if you want to read more from me, or you can check out my Linktree for a more robust set of links to check out.
[Insert Counting Crows Lyric here]
*golf clap* Well done, well done everyone. We did it. We’ve reached the final of 2021. And all it took was for every cell in our body to replicate hundreds of thousands of times. I think. It’s been a while since I’ve taken biology. Regardless, we’re still here, the world is still spinning, and we’re still corkscrewing through the Milky Way galaxy, on an eventual collision with the Andromeda galaxy in about 4.5 billion years. Will we be alive when that happens? Statistically, no. Logistically? No. But we’re not dead yet so there’s still a chance.
My Thanksgiving was fine. I ended up not being able to drive home to see the family, which in turn left me not really doing much in general on the big day, except eat an entire pumpkin pie. A pie which I bought at Market of Choice and found out later was $19! Nineteen bucks! For a pumpkin pie! It was pretty good but I don’t know if any pumpkin pie is $19 good. Oh well, I was in a rush.
I did Skype with my family back in Idaho which was nice, and I very, very much enjoyed having a four day weekend. Everything is different now in these Unprecedented Times™, and I’ve been using Roll20 and Discord chat, etc, so much that digital meetings feel normal. In hindsight though that seems kind of sad. But better than nothing, I guess. At least I don’t have to send handwritten letters like those guys in the Civil War documentaries.
Let me know how your Thanksgiving was! I hope it was peaceful and good and that you ate all the food that you wanted and as much of it as you wanted and maybe you laid down on the couch or a cozy armchair with your belt unbuckled and the top button of your jeans undone, maybe taking a nap so deep that you wake up and there’s drool everywhere.
Every year after Thanksgiving I briefly hype up the Christmas album I made back in 2007, Get Behind Me, Santa!. This year is no different.
Fifteen tracks of Christmas songs lovingly/stupidly interpreted by yours truly. I recorded it as a Christmas gift to friends and family at the time because I was broke. It was also a good excuse to record a couple of just really great Christmas songs, including “O Holy Night” which is such a great song in general. It’s FREE to download on Bandcamp only, it’s not on Spotify or anything because there’s a bunch of covers and I don’t want to have to deal with that nonsense. Download it today and impress your family with some weird random dude’s album!
So, fun story: I've decided to do a complete 180 and actually remake all the “zornog” social medias I used to have, for streaming/YouTube purposes. Not an interesting reason why, other than "zornog" is a more intriguing thing to look at (and potentially click on) than my name. New people don’t know who I am, but they can enjoy my online shenanigans as zornog. That's not the fun story. The fun story is coming I promise. Please don’t close this newsletter and move on with your day yet, I implore you.
Anyway, this means getting back into my old firstname.lastname@example.org email account, which I think I made around 2014 and abandoned shortly thereafter, to associate it with a new Twitter/Insta/etc. I reset my password and log in ... and there are several emails in there from some woman named Nicole in 2019 to a guy named Richard Miller, including an email with photos of Richard along with their child.
The photos email is followed by another short email that is basically about them breaking up, or the aftermath of them breaking up at least. "I am ready to wrap this up. I have finally accept. [sic]" she writes.
(The majority of the emails, by the way, are her using Google Maps to ask him to show her where he is on Google Maps, so maybe he was a dirty cheater.)
Prior to these emails there's a "new login from Instagram" email which is from Ukraine in Feb 2019, so I assumed this guy is from Ukraine and his girlfriend/wife? just decided to use poor English for her email. Except he's not from Ukraine because one of his photos with her indicates that they're in Tulsa. So either I got hacked twice, or this guy is using a VPN for his own shenanigans.
Then LATER there is a 5/2020 email from a Tami about a home selling thing? She addresses it to a Nathan. That's all that is, but it's weird how random it is.
Then after THAT there's a 9/2020 email from a Nikki, who ends up being Nicole! She's back, and one of her pictures is a little saucy! So I guess her and Richard are doing well as of 9/2020.
I looked up Nicole’s full name on Google and, well … she’s been through some rough times. https://www.newson6.com/story/5e6279205d575f9d06d2c254/catoosa-police-arrest-woman-accused-of-abandoning-18monthold-at-casino. This happened before the 9/2020 email so hopefully she cleaned herself up.
So that was the history of an old email address for the past two years. Hacked! Maybe more than once! I guess it’s truly not a “fun story” but I thought it was neat to spend a fragment of time checking out someone else’s life on accident.
In 2014 I wrote a few tweets with the hashtag #baderotica. People liked them enough that I started a Twitter account. I posted about a dozen entries before abandoning it. Then, just a week or so ago, went back to that account to strip it so I could use it for my Twitch handle, zornog, as I explained a bit in the last segment.
In honor of the old account, here are the tweets I posted, as well as a couple from my main Twitter account. Please understand that these are dirty tweets. You were warned, Mom.
His dick was like a wicker chair: uncomfortable, but she still sat on it.
As he tossed her salad, she thought, "I should eat more salad."
"Take me!" she screamed seductively. "Take me right in my Brown Town Chow Down!"
"What the fuck--??" he said.
"MY ASSHOLE!" she yelled.
As he slowly slid his rigid member into her soft, wet love cavern, she let out a whisper of smelly ecstasy from her butthole.
She asked him what his name was.
"Thomas," he said.
"Not tonight," she growled sexily. "Tonight your name is Fartdonger Asspants."
"Bunnicula is my favorite book of all time," he said as came inside her butt.
As he slowly slid his dangle deep inside her whoa nelly, she began to hum her appreciation, to the tune of "Little Spanish Flea".
"I think we should fuck," she said. He said, "I don't know what that means," he said. She showed him diagrams. He still didn't get it.
She took him all in her mouth, including, somehow, his housekeys.
She wrapped her legs around him, slamming her hooha onto his weenee. He growled and shouted to the world, "THIS KIND OF HURTS MY BALLLLLS!"
She took her socks off, revealing tiny vaginas between her toes. "I'm not like the others," she said. He smiled. His teeth were tiny dicks.
This is in response to a meme people were doing on Instagram where they would screenshot their name’s definition on Urban Dictionary. I just thought it was funny how nice mine was, except for that weird part at the end.
Plastic Love is a song by Mariya Takeuchi, from her 1984 album VARIETY. The song became popular recently due to the resurgence of “city pop,” a Japanese genre of music from the 70s/80s that sounds, well, like Plastic Love. So Warner Bros Japan went and made a gat-damned music video for it, nearly 40 years later. How cool is that?!
Here’s a nearly 8 minute version that I’ve listened to maybe 5,000 times.
I don’t know why but this popped up on my feed and it is a very interesting and relaxing look at someone just making a video game from scratch!
If you’re not subscribed to Tasting History you should be. It’s a very good series. Max makes old recipes and shares some history, and then tastes the food. It’s simple, it’s not flashy, Max is charming, just go watch and subscribe okay?
Until Next Time
That’s it for this newsletter, I hope you enjoyed yourself. The holiday season can be rough for some people so just remember to take care of yourself and remember that you are appreciated and deserve to be here, no matter what you or anyone else says. See you soon!