New, Improved, but Still Boring
Well, only three people voted on my newsletter poll, but two voted for shorter, more frequent newsletters, so I guess I’ll do that. I don’t think I have it in me for once-a-week posts, but I think twice a month will suffice. I’m not interesting enough for once-a-week posts. I’m barely interesting enough for once a month! Anyway, check your local email inboxes and the sides of industrial-area porta-potties on the 15th and the end of each month. I promise to be just as boring as always!
To the Kansas City Chiefs for winning the Super Bowl. Not a lot of people know this, but now that they’ve won, the Chiefs get one free name change from anything that’s not appropriating Native American culture. Normally this costs millions for rebranding, but for the Chiefs—this one’s on us! Big win!
Meanwhile, in Philadelphia, win or lose, they’ve destroyed the city.
It’s Tuesday (I’m in Love [with These Bagels!])
Tuesday was Valentine’s Day. I am so absolutely emotionally and mentally disconnected from that holiday at this point that I don’t know what to think about it, other than chocolate. Chocolate and hearts, and little chalky heart candies.
That sounds harsh—is Josh Disconnected from Love™?!—but it’s more like, Love is over there and I’m over here, putting a new GPU in my computer. I still love things. I love my cat! I love my family and my friends. I’ve got a least half of those Greek love types down. But the one you find over a candlelit dinner, the one that makes you eager to put genitals up against genitals and cook breakfast for them the next morning … that’s over there, sitting and staring at me like a creepy doll in the attic.
As I near the end of my fourth decade of lifeI have become a male spinster—a spinstro, if you will—and I’m laaargely fine with that. Like, 85% fine. The last couple of years I’ve been trying to take care of myself, after falling off the Wagon of Life, which was crossing a narrow, rickety bridge at the time, and at the bottom was, like, a pit of spikes, Prince of Persia style.
Dating hasn’t really been on my mind. I mean, it has, clearly, but not with any sense of urgency. I’ve been thinking about it, and might even get back into it soon, but like I said above—I’m workin’ on me now. I feel like once I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to be having kids (sorry mom, sorry dad), the idea of being with someone felt less necessary. I still like having a significant other, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t feel like I need to get married and have kids and protect my lineage or anything like that. Matt had the kids, I’m going to have a cat and too many video games and D&D dice.
Thankfully, I used To Good to Go again last week to buy some day-old bagels from Henry Higgins for $5, which I am still eating. The really load you up on bagels there, it’s nuts. Best of all, they’re mostly everything bagels. Hot diggity. Great app, highly recommend it. This part really has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day or love or anything. I just really love bagels.
I’m Taking Over for Marie Kondo
2023 has been my year of getting rid of stuff, which I guess Marie Kondo isn’t doing anymore. I’ve sold some things, I’ve donated some thing, and I’ve left some stuff in the little “free pile” nook in the trash room of my apartment building. I finally donated a ton of electronics to FreeGeek, which I’ve been meaning to do for ages. My old behemoth computer case for instance, the Antec-DF85, an absolutely stupid computer case—as tall as a toddler and probably weighed as much, had eleven fans, all with RGB but only glowed a demonic red. Ah, 2011, how I missed you.
I’m trying to downsize and let go of things that I no longer need. This has actually meant buying stuff, such as a smaller computer desk, so I can get rid of the giant gaming desk that I don’t really need. (I ended up throwing the desk in recycling because the screws had stripped the particle board so much that they were useless.) Gaming accessories are so fucking dumb. It’s all giant, dumb, RGB-lit nonsense. Gaming chairs are made to resemble race car seats, which, when you think about it, makes no sense whatsoever. I saw a post on Reddit years ago where a guy made a gaming chair out of an old Honda Civic car seat and that’s a gaming chair, folks. Something you can sit in for hours on end! Not a chair that usually has a protective cage of metal around it.
Anyway, it feels nice to get rid of stuff. I like donating things. I hope some low income person gets to use my old Chromebook, or a kid in a poor family gets my old GPU installed in a refurbished computer or something. Pay it forward and such. It feels weird to get rid of some stuff though. I gave away my Optimus Prime Transformer, the one I bought on one of my last days working at Hastings. Which means it’s been around for around fifteen years. I’m not going to toy-shame here, but I will say that I think my era of having toys is coming to a close. Don’t worry, I just replaced them with D&D dice and fantasy coins. I’m not saying I’ve de-nerdified myself, I’ve just changed directions.
Some neat updates. Parkrun #4 (42:14, 13:36/mi) went well, but for parkrun #5 (39:47, 12:48/mi) I finally ran a 5k under 40 minutes! That’s a big goal for me. It’s very strange because I rode for 11 miles the day before and then ate an entire frozen pizza and two bags of chips. I thought I would be garbage at that parkrun, but instead I did better, which of course means I should be eating frozen pizzas and chips more often.
I’ve been running a mile non-stop on my workout runs, and running longer/faster at the track. Also been doing strength training again to strengthen my legs, which need it badly. My legs giving out is the biggest factor currently; my breath is fine, my core is mostly solid. It’s just that my legs feel like they’re dying and I have to stop so I don’t fall over. But, if parkrun and my track runs are any indication, I’m doing way better than I think I am.
Here, Watch/Listen to This
Let’s get down to brass tacks: a lot of “DJs” show up on my YouTube feed. I like music, and I like house/EDM music, so I get these videos of DJs, almost all of whom are very attractive women playing those Pioneer MP3 DJ turntable things, the ones that don’t have vinyl but you can still manipulate the track like it’s vinyl.
And look, I know, and you know, that attractive people can be talented. We see it all the time on TV and in movies. But there’s something about the glut of hot women DJs on my YT feed that makes me think that maybe, maybe, some of them are just hot women pretending to DJ and just being hot for views. Maybe! It’s fine, because the playlists are pretty good and the women are hot. Dopamine, folks. It just works.
With that in mind: Gia Fu is a hot woman who plays salsa music on actual turntables and she is very good at it. I think I caught her on My Analog Journal? Or maybe one of its offshoots. This type of YT video—people playing eclectic music on turntables and it’s just a cool groove—is great. I highly recommend getting these videos to pop up in your algorithm.
That’s all. Life is coasting along. Hope you ate some conversation hearts.
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Disconnected from Love, coming to ABC Family in 2024. Written, directed, and produced by ChatGPT, the sitcom follows a sentient AI as it attempts to find love … in all the wrong places! Starring Dall-E representations of: George Clooney eating a corndog, Albert Einstein hang gliding, and Alf wearing the Chiquita Banana fruit hat and riding a bison. Roger Ebert gives it 0 stars, because he’s been dead for 10 years.
But Josh you’re going to be 40! Yes, but: 0-10 = decade 1, 11-20 = decade 2, 21-30 = decade 3, 31-40 = decade 4. It’s “2001 is the first year of the new millennium” all over again!